Some Little Poems for My Puppy. [Not so depressing now.]

Okay. So... I went to ORU for college weekend. It was a blast, and helped me a bit. It isn't as hard to deal with Pokey being gone when I'm away from home. And now I can smile about her and only have to blink a few times instead of bawling my eyes out when I think about her. I found this pet loss website, and they had lots of pretty poems. I liked so many of them... I'll just put up my favorites.
I Only Wanted You

They say memories are golden
well maybe that is true.
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.
A million times I needed you,
a million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place
no one could ever fill.
If tears could build a stairway
and heartache make a lane,
I'd walk the path to heaven
and bring you back again.

Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again.

Author unknown

Tribute To A Best Friend

Sunlight streams through window pane
unto a spot on the floor....then I remember,
it's where you used to lie,
but now you are no more.
Our feet walk down a hall of carpet,
and muted echoes sound....
then I remember,
It's where your paws would joyously abound.
A voice is heard along the road,
and up beyond the hill,
then I remember it can't be yours....
your golden voice is still.
But I'll take that vacant spot of floor
and empty muted hall
and lay them with the absent voice
and unused dish along the wall.
I'll wrap these treasured memorials
in a blanket of my love
and keep them for my best friend
until we meet above.

Author Unknown

I also had a third favorite... but it's too long to put on here. So I'll give you the link instead: http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=67597829093&h=uWkDF&u=iSSCf&ref=mf RIP Pokey. March 1995 - April 1, 2009

My Pokey Little Puppy [Warning: Depressing Post.]

This is the hardest blog post I've ever had to write. I'm sorry if this is really depressing. Its a good thing I can type without looking, because right now all I can see are tears. Today my puppy was euthanized.
She'd just turned 14 about two weeks ago. I'd had her since I was four. I wanted to type this out tonight, because I know that if I don't, I might never get it out. I'm horrible at keeping the worst things in. That's what I had Pokey for. I've cried with her so many times. This is the first time I've cried ov,brer her. For her. She was one of my best friends.
I know I did the right thing, putting her down today. But it was the hardest right thing I've ever done. She went downhill so fast. Yesterday she couldn't walk at all. At least she felt slightly better today. The vet said she had a scale 3 heart murmur and her kidneys were going bad. Since her heart wasn't as strong she got less blood flow, which made the kidneys worse. And her lungs weren't expanding right. She'd lost a ton of weight in the last week. Her cataract got worse. Her arthritis got worse. She was tired all the time. And that was my baby, growing old. My wonderful, smart, loyal, sweet baby. Everyone that met her just loved her.

After the vet confirmed what we already knew... that it was her time to be put down... I think I sat in a chair with her on my lap in the vet's lobby for a good hour. It felt like thirty minutes. My mom started tearing up every time I'd finally get my eyes dried, which made me cry all over again. Until right before we left, I thought the worst thing was listening to her labored breathing and watching my tears hit her back. I didn't think I'd ever be ready to let her go. Everyone who walked in got to walk out with their dog. I had to hand mine to a lady that wouldn't give Pokey back to me. More than anything I wanted to be in that room when she fell asleep before they put her down. I didn't want to let her down. But I couldn't do it. I wouldn't have been able to handle it. So I handed her off and walked away. And the thing that's making me cry the most right now is the look on her face when I was walking away from her. In my head I know it isn't rational to feel guilty about it. But I can't tell my heart that. I know I'm already going through the grieving process. I know its going to take awhile. I hate it. Emotionally, I feel like I let her down in her last time of need, but in my head I know it isn't true. I just hate the thought of her being anxious, with no familiar surroundings, without me. She never did well in kennels and vets offices.

At one point mom put Pokey in her lap so I could see my baby's face. Pokey rested her head in my hand. That helped me to know it was the right thing to do, if nothing else had gotten through. She'd just been so out of character this last week. It hit all at once. Six months ago she didn't have a heart murmur or bad kidneys. She wasn't having a difficult time breathing. We could keep the arthritis under control with anti-inflamatory medicine.

I'm not sure what I believe about animals and heaven. If pets go to heaven, what other animals go? Its hard to believe they just cease to exhist. But if dogs do get in to heaven, I just know my puppy has scrounged up a tennis ball from somewhere and is bugging the crap out of heaven's inhabitants to play fetch with her. She hasn't been able to play fetch for at least eight months. Not with her arthritis. She's probably found another dog and a sock to play tug-o-war with.

I just can't stop thinking about these last few days. I spend as much time with her as I could. That's one other thing I've felt guilty about. The past few months I hardly gave Pokey any attention. I tried to make up for it these past two to three days. She spent all yesterday on my bed with me. And all of today until we took her to the vet. Last night I watched Slumdog Millionaire with Pokey in my lap the whole time. Today I took over 40 pictures of her. I don't have enough pictures. It seems as if 14 years wasn't enough time. That hour in the chair at the vet's wasn't enough time.

Mom told me tonight that I did the right thing. That we were right to take her to the vet when we noticed she wasn't herself. That Pokey was a good one to cry over. And she was. It just kills me to talk about her in the past tense. My eyes are raw. I'm numb yet I feel everything. I almost wish I was still in denial. That I could believe any minute she'd come walking into my room just to take a nap on my floor. But I know she won't. I know I'll never get to cuddle with my puppy again. At least on earth. If puppies make it to heaven....

There's so much more I can say. So much I can't. So much I feel that I can't or don't have the energy right now to put into words.
Lord, give me strength. Give me peace.

NUMB3RS Promo

Ahahaha. I love this.
Just so you all know, David Krumholtz makes me happy. And now, so does Rob Morrow. The men behind the brothers in the TV show NUMB3RS.



So... This promo makes me laugh. A lot. Watch the promo... watch the show. =]

NUMB3RS.

Disaster Saturday...

Ugh. Have you ever had a day that just did NOT go well? At all? I was just about mad enough to cuss Saturday. At my horse and my dad. Since it would take forever and a day [and several pages of typing] to let you in on everything... I'll give you the SparkNotes version. =]

*The day started kinda sorta all right. Dad & I got out to the barn about 45 min late to load Koda up in our borrowed little two-horse step-up trailer to take him to Jamies for a few months.
*Koda didn't think he could fit.
*We wrestled with him for about 3.5 hours total. Here's some special things that happened during that time:
1. Dad & I both got rope burn.
2. We put a pony in the other slot, so maybe the trailer would look more inviting. Didn't work.
3. We tried coaxing with food. Didn't work.
4. We tried pulling.
5. We tried pushing.
6. He started bucking.
7. He started rearing.
8. He almost sat on & crushed Dad.
9. He almost sat on & destroyed a brand new Mazda in the parking lot.
10. He scraped the skin off my fingers.
11. Dad almost lost a fingernail.
12. We both got really sweaty.
13. Koda got really sweaty.
14. We tried a chain under his lip.
15. We tried a whip.
16. We aced [TRANQUILIZED] him.
STILL DIDN'T WORK.
17. Koda ripped my wraps. Now I have to buy new ones.
18. Dad tried playing horse whisperer extraordinaire. Which led to a stare-off between him & Koda and me getting banned from helping. Needless to say... it didn't work.
So. After almost 4 hours... we gave up.

*We stopped at Sonic on our way to returning the borrowed trailer. We had to go through the drive thru because of the trailer.
1. They got Dad's order wrong.
2. Dad got gypped [sp?] out of a dollar, even though it was Sonic that messed up.
3. It wasn't till we left the parking lot that I realized they got my order wrong.
4. Dad wasn't going back.
5. They didn't give me enough marinara sauce.
6. They didn't put vanilla in Dad's coke.


The only redeeming thing that happened was Pastor Tommy let me ride Peppy for a few minutes. It was his trailer we borrowed, and he was riding his horse when we pulled up. Gahhhh.

Saturday = FAIL.

Contacts.

Wow. I haven't posted in FOREVER! But anyways. I don't have much time [hence not posting] because schoolwork is crazy. I have two weeks to finish a course, so I'm pretty much working around the clock. That's what I get for procrastinating, but this course's teacher is EVIL! I mean... I'm that nerdy kid who is usually the teacher's pet and makes straight A's. But this teacher hates my writing style, and its never good enough. Long story short, this class is a nightmare, and got me extremely discouraged, so I kept putting it off [we have a whole year to complete courses, and I have two weeks left... and I'm one of those 'overachieving' types, so this class was HORRIBLE for me...] and now I'm just getting through it as fast as I can, not caring if I fail. Its one class on my transcript. I can still get a good scholarship if I fail this one, especially since I take so many other honors classes, it brings my GPA back up. I just want to burn this book. Its a history class. I LOVE history. I watch the History channel for fun. But I HATE HATE HATE this class!!!

Sorry. Ranting over with. :)
Anyways... I got contacts! They thought it would take me about an hour to learn how to put them in. I was paranoid out of my MIND because my mom used to wear those small hard contacts all the time. She had a horrible time with them. If there was the slightest wind they would give her issues. So it took me forever before I finally said enough was enough, my glasses are bothering the heck out of me. It took me 30 minutes to put them in 4 times and take them out 3. I walked out with them on, and could barely feel them. I went to the barn, where it was windy, sand blowing everywhere, and taught a class of 3 little girls [probably ages 8-12 - it was MUCH easier than teaching ORU, BTW. They tacked up by themselves (YAY!), didn't need me to run with them (double YAY!), and all of them could jump really well (triple YAY! - cuts down on the boring factor).] I had NO problems with them, at all.

I was excited, to say the least. After I got over the feeling of disorientation. I felt strangely removed from everything around me for about 30 minutes. Kind of like I was watching everything from a TV screen or something. And I was able to take them out in less than a minute. So... I think they're keepers!
Yay for contacts.
Oh... we also ordered new glasses for me! They're Coach [my mom picked them out while I was in the exam room thingy - whatever they call it... my dad just loves the fact that they're such a big name brand such as Coach... haha.] and green, and all purdy. They make my eyes actually look blue instead of green or grey. I think my eyes can't make up their minds about which color they want to be sometimes. They're supposed to be blue.
Oh, something that made me happy.... I went to my mom's hair lady last week for a trim & color. My hair is more red/brown instead of just boring brown now. =] And that makes me happy in and of itself [even though the lady thinks she's phsycic [sp?] and can communicate with the dead - its wierd]. But... she was the first person to ever tell me I have my dad's eyes. =] My dad's eyes are very pretty. Although I think mine are a bit darker. He has light blue eyes... mine are closer to teal-ish. A girl out at the barn asked me if I had color contacts in. Give me a compliment and I'm your friend for life [compliment/encouragement is my primary love language, go figure] so that made me happy too. I got so many compliments just being out at the barn with my contacts. So.. yeah.

Me = happy.
For now.
Even though I'm working through this hateful, hateful, torturous class.

God bless! ^_^
Tina

Tina's Bookshelf

Okay. I just made my third blog.
I'm insane. :)
I started a book review blog.
http://tinasbookshelf.blogspot.com

Now... I haven't actually started the reviews yet, but I will!!! I'm actually reading The Great Gatsby right now, so that will be my first review. Yay! They won't all be classics, but right now I'm on a classic binge.
So... in a few weeks, check it out! =]
Until next post... God bless!
Tina

The MPAA & HBP

MuggleNet just posted on twitter with the MPAA's rating of Half-Blood Prince. It's PG. PG?!?! What the crap? I mean... with the talk of horcruxes, and the inferi, and sectumsempra... Seriously... people were surprised when GOF got a PG-13 rating. But now we're all surprised when it gets a PG rating.

I hope that this doesn't mean HBP is going to be another SS. I mean... I love Sorcerer's Stone for being the first movie when they're all cute and little. And eleven. However, now they're almost legal. Voldemort's upped the ante. And the MPAA has watched this movie and given it a PG?!

Not that I mind movies that are rated PG, mind you. Don't take this the wrong way... but I would think that with all the action in the book that there should be action in the movie accordingly, which doesn't always make for PG material. Lots of scary images and fake blood and inferi should not a PG movie make.

Seriously.

I'm done with my rant now.

Tina